Follow the link, check out the song, and let me know what you think. Hope you don’t fall off your chair laughing. Better yet, I hope you do .

ray_stevens_the_pirate_song

Recently, I was informed – by phone – that as a part of a special promotion, I was the “lucky” winner of a two night cruise for two. Great, I thought, so I agreed to play along. The sales representative, Pedro, had the sound of someone who drank a gallon of red bull before making the call. He spent the better part of sixteen minutes explaining to me all the comforts of the cruise vacation, and I listened attentively, playing the role of a vulnerable impulse buyer, eager to give my credit card number at the beckoning of this master salesman.

Pedro explained to me that though transportation, meals and accommodation on the cruise line were included in my “prize”, I would have to pay the port fee – $59 per person. He further informed me that I was allowed to travel with up to three guests. When he asked about my relationship status and I told him I’m single, he was quick to inform me of the fun my boys and I could have on this trip. The girls of South Beach, the single ladies who will be on the ship and the thrill of being out on a boat with the ocean breeze rushing in my face. Exciting stuff.

After Pedro picked up that he “had me sold” on the “free” vacation, he was quick to inform me of how he can make it even better. I would be getting a rental car, 3 days at a hotel in Ft. Lauder dale, and three days at another property in Orlando for the incredible price of (drum roll)…(knock some Dutch pot cover)….$538. All I had to do to get this unbelievable package, valued by Pedro at over $2,000, was provide my credit card information.

I like games, and am usually a very playful person, especially when I have time to spare. So I played along. OK Pedro, I am very interested, give me your telephone number, and I will be happy to call you back. “No” said Pedro, in his Red bull induced enthusiasm, “the deal is only for today”.

I’m certain Pedro is disgusted at people like me who waste his time occasionally. Though I’m annoyed by telemarketer’s, they sometimes provide useful amusement. Sadly, they remind me of con men.

I lived on Rosalie Avenue, Kingston, in the nineties. Though violence plagued the communities surrounding us, we were more known for our con men. There was a garage at the top of our road, which sold Japanese auto parts very cheap. Several hoodlums would usually pose as employees, engaging would be customers in conversations to win there trust (sometimes promising these customers that they would be able to get the car parts even cheaper due to employee discounts). After the trust is won, these con men would usually collect monies from the shoppers, promising to return with car parts. By now you know where this is going. Suffice to say, many people came to our street in search of cheap parts, and left with broken hearts.

Am I saying that people like Pedro are con men? No, I’m not SAYING that. In the same sense, saying someone reminds you of a politician is not the same as saying that someone is a politician. It only means that they have similar characteristics, though different professions. My Rosalie Avenue exposure has left a distrust for folks who have “one day only” offers of cheapness requiring my money on the spot.

Fun and game aside, Blacks in America who try to educate and uplift themselves have to constantly defend their Blackness. It is often mentioned that when the Cosby Show first aired, several Blacks were most upset. According to them, the show did not accurately depict the Black experience in American. They could neither relate to a Black Doctor marrying a Black Lawyer nor a two parent Black household.

It is now 2007, and some twenty four years since the Cosby Show debuted. Not much has changed in the psyche of America’s Black. In 2005, CNN carried a report on the abuse young men face in schools, when they work hard, set high personal and academic standards and excel in leadership. I have been called white, and told that “I act as if I’m better than…”, as I stride for success. Bill Clinton has often been referred to as the first Black President, largely because of his infidelity. Oprah has been called white because she chose to follow her passions and donate HER money to a cause she believes in (outside of her country). Obama has been called white because he wisely chose not to campaign on a “Black Civil Rights platform”. It’s as if he lost “black points” because he is able to articulate a message which resonates with Black, Latino, Chinese and White America.

Many believe (and I will not question their “rightness”) that blacks who are successful have a responsibility to contribute to the community they grew up in. I believe people who are successful should make social contributions as they deem best. Simply put, I do not see Oprah as less of a person because she chose to build a school for forty million dollars in Africa. I commend her! I think Obama is equipped for the job and has a good chance of being President of the United States. A purely Black message would simply distract from his abilities, and make him just another civil rights leader. As for Clinton, it is utter rubbish to consider his infidelity a “black act”. If the argument is made that he is called the first Black President because he advanced the rights of blacks, I would quickly point you in the direction of John F Kennedy and Lynden B Johnson (regardless of how corrupt I deem the latter to be). Was the first president who advanced women’s rights classified as the first female president? I bet not!

Has blackness become symbolic of Biblical Nazareth? Has our communities bought into the idea that “no good can come from Black”? While most people I come into contact with do not share this view, when I am in certain circles I can appreciate what Lupe Fiasco meant when he said he is constantly asked to “dumb it down”. It’s like our “brothas” are caught up in a place of bliss which only ordinary people refer to as ignorance, constantly defaming the memory of Martin Luther King, Marcus Garvey and Malcolm X.

I have no problem with the urban trends we have set as a people. I admire the business acumen of Sean Combs, Sean Carter and Russell Simmons, and will argue with you all day that a top ten list of the best lyricists across all genres must include Jay-Z, Lupe Fiasco and Vybz Cartel. What most of you know about me is the fact that I’m not a conformist. I think it is time we realize that the experience of Blacks in America is wide and varied. Our race has Doctors, “Ductas”, Lawyers, and Liars, Politicians and policemen, preachers, paupers and great artists. We cannot as a people continue to place limit on the extent to which our brothers are allowed to think, walk, talk and act.

As we celebrate Black History month, let us learn to appreciate our experience for what it is. Our skins might share the same hue, but our personalities and thoughts are in no way homogenous. We are a diverse people.

ADDITIONAL MUSINGS:

Pardon me for repeatedly using the word black, instead of the more politically acceptable term “African American”. I am somewhat apathetic to calling people with no African passport “African Americans”. That term is somewhat vague anyway. Since every race can trace its origin to Africa, can Caucasians also call themselves African Americans?

Isn’t it sad that the people of Haiti, the first Black Country to gain independence, are now forced to eat flavored dirt? Years after Aristide was kidnapped while the Western world slept, the fate of Haiti has not changed. Apart from the devastation, another thing Haiti shares with New Orleans is a huge population of Blacks. Were Kanye West’s remarks about George W true?

BIG UPS

Big up Obama on the victories over the weekend! Four states in a row…what a statement!

Big up Hugo Chavez, and the people of Venezuela.